Reminisces and Revelations

I have been telling people about Fred, and I usually choked up before I could finish the sentence.

Yesterday was the first time I could get it out without tearing up.

We are away for a holiday this week. Down to the snow. I had to call up the boarding kennels to let them know that Fred wouldn't be joining Ginger for the week.

Ginger has been ok - if possibly slightly more neurotic. She's always been affectionate, but her submissive side is getting a little out of control. She slinks out and in through the door now, practically on her belly. I think she's hanging onto the little routine that we have as tightly as possible. She also keeps on jumping or escaping the pen.

Last week I watched in awe and horror as she leapt over the gate, then onto the buffet before dropping down onto the verandah. It was like watching a mountain goat. Wolfieboy put up some 'spikes' to try and deter her. I think it worked, but she has managed to find another gap somewhere that I need to go find.

She's keeping herself relatively entertained during the day, but there was one day when I came home to see her outside the pen.

After Fred passed, wolfieboy said point blank we'd need to get Ginger another companion.

It feels slightly wrong to Fred's memory to get another so soon.

Ginger's cellmate from the time she was in rescue was in fact still available and struggling in the kennels while he waited for his furever home. I was half and half about it, as I'd always loved the look of him. But I uhmmed and ahhed between getting another dog that looked so like Fred.

I did however put my hat in the ring to let them know we were interested. Wolfieboy wanted to get the dog after we came back from the snow (after this week), as it wouldn't be fair to a new dog for us to take him in and then put him in kennels for 4 days. So I decided to let Fate decide and see if after 4 months he was in fact meant for us after all.

At the end of the day, it turned out it wasn't - he finally found a new home with another couple and dog companion, a week earlier than I could get him out. He looked super happy though, so I can't begrudge him his luck. And to be honest, I'm not sure we'd be the right family for him either. He was the right size, but he was younger than Ginger, completely untrained and boisterous to boot.

4 days ago, another wolfhound x dog turned up on petrescue. He looks just like Ginger. I bookmarked him to think about, and when I showed him to wolfieboy the answer wasn't a 'no.' I think both of us are still hurting from Fred. If it wasn't because we believed Ginger really needed a companion and perhaps wouldn't really cope on her own (the escape artistry is getting really old, really fast), I think we wouldn't even bother getting another for at least a year.

Fred's been with us for over 9 years. 9 years is a big gap to fill.

I was at the zoo the other day and saw some spotted African dogs fast asleep, and my eyes filled with tears as I looked over the big furry tummy exposed to the world. All I wanted was to curl up in that fur and give it a hug. Even as I knew that if I did that, I'd probably get my head bitten off. I miss my big woofer so much.

So back to this other dog - he looks to be slight of build. I contacted the rescue group who gave me a lot more information. On paper he looks like the right kind of dog for us - other than the fact that he's 2 (and i know wolfieboy prefers younger), and isn't completely toilet trained. He jumps up a bit - but Ginger did that too, and she's a lot better now than before. My main concern at the moment is his size. He doesn't seem as big as Ginger. He comes in around 32 kilos. But I've been told that most likely he was abused in a former life, and was in really bad shape when he arrived at rescue. He also has his tail docked. For such a big dog, and from the joy I see that Ginger expresses through her tail, it breaks my heart to see this dog's tail merely a stump.

Apparently he was left at a rescue group's door at 8.30 at night. Timid and scared, from some of the photos I've seen it looks like he was pretty skeletal too.

But he looks the exact match of Ginger, despite one full frontal shot where he looks like a mean convict. Having said that, there's also a number of photos where he looks like a sweetie like Ginger and Els. Sometimes dogs just have 'good sides' and not so good sides... lol. I always had my doubts about Ginger, you gotta admit, she's a little funny looking...  but she's a sweetheart. And i saw that in her photos in spite of some dodgy photos.

Apparently this new doggy originally came from either Wagga Wagga or Gundagai. If it was Wagga, there is a chance that he could be related to Ginger. I know that usually with crosses the chances of a litter with the exact same markings are slim. But it's nice to think that if it was possible, that these two were siblings that got separated and had a chance to grow old together after all. Maybe that's what Fate has in store for us. Or maybe I'm just daydreaming. They're a similar age. If he is as small as I think he is, he could have been the runt of the litter. Or perhaps he just had bad luck after he left his family.

I remember the sad story behind Elsie's arrival. She was also dumped at the pound, flea ridden, skinny as a rake at 20 odd kilos. Skittish, but still affectionate. She settled in quickly with us, and eventually got up to a healthy 35 kilos. We used to joke about her being fat before she started to decline.

So it'd be nice to know if I would be able to save another dog and provide it a life that was so far removed from abuse.

We're going to meet him on Friday to see his size. His temperament so far sounds right. It's also nice that he's in Canberra, rather than the crazy 5 hour drive we took to see/get Ginger. So if it doesn't work out, I don't feel as obliged to take him or feel like I'm wasting everyone's time.

However, if we do decide to get him, it will mean a complete changing of the guard.

My wolfie faced grey brindle wolfhound crossed pair will be replaced by two blonde/fawn tipped sable wolfhounds with slight bodies, whiskerless faces with a whisper of black around the muzzles and a wolfie coat and white socks.

My precious Fred and Elsie will be no more.

Yes, they'll live in my heart forever. But they will no longer help define who I am, and be a living breathing part of my life.

I miss Fred with an ache that I often try to bury. But there are moments when I stop. When things remind me of him and how our life was. It is still hard to believe that he is gone, and that all the memories we have are now in the past and there are no more to be made in the future. And yesterday, I realised how hard I'd been suppressing my sadness. And that if I was honest with myself, in spite of Life going on, deep down I was still very, very sad. Very sad that he has gone.